Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Vacation Trip

This is just a test to see if there is a way to post content to this app without being connected to the matrix.
So far it seems to be working.  But I will find out soon enough.  Right now, I am on a bus heading towards Sauna Island.  And I'm figuring, this trip would make for an epic vacation tale.  Not sure if it.would be more "lampoons" style or "how Stella got her Groove Back".  for now, writing down details seems to be the priority. 
Like, when my cousin visited the Doctor at the hotel yesterday, and after hearing all of her symptoms, the doctor looks at her plain faced and said, with her limited English and Dominican accent, "The good news is..you're not gonna die.".  I had to laugh.  This is hardly consolation when you're throwing up blood.  *shakes head*.  Or, how today, we are to see the Caribbean sea.  On a catamaran.  and of course, the island decided to make up for the lack of rain last time by raining last night and today.  Hoping this cloud cover removes itself while we are on the island. 
The main character could be Gianna or Marianna.  They could be here with their loud, obnoxious family who likes to make themselves known anywhere they go...especially among the natives.  They could say obnoxious things like, "Why is everyone speaking Spanish here?" On a Spanish speaking island?  Happened to me.  Quite funny.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Mischeif Night

"Sandy!!!  Grab the eggs and let's GO!!!"
Sandy hardly had time to bask in the fall scenery, as she normally liked to do.  But who could ignore the loud swishing of the multicolored autumn leaves as she jetted across her former teacher's front yard, trying to catch up with her friends who already reached the getaway car.
"Hurry up or we're leaving you here to get caught!" shouted her friend Gomez.
Sandy was already running as fast as she could, but attempted to pick up the pace.  Suddenly, her feet landed in a mud patch, and Sandy slid all the way to the fence.  The weight of her upper body pole vaulted her over the wooden fence in true somersault style.  Gomez, who had the door opened for her, grabbed her one open hand and yanked her muddy self into the back seat.  Her friend Joy sped off before Sandy could even close the door.  The car raced away before their prey, Mr. Wittlesby, reached his fence's edge to see who egged his house and toilet papered his trees.  Peering through the rear window, Sandy and Gomez could see the shadow of an old man, swinging his hand over his head in anger.  But they didn't care.  The old man deserved it for the way he treated the kids in his classroom years before.
The foursome took a break from traversing back roads to look for their next target.  Here in Jersey, Mischeif Night is an annual tradition, and who wants to break with such a fun tradition??  But, with all of the "main targets" out of the way, the group was bored.  They couldn't believe there was nothing to do, nobody's house to trash, at 3:30 AM, on Mischeif night.
Suddenly, a couple of locals drove up to the group's unnofficial spot in the park.  It was their rival group of friends, headed by Mick and Audrey.  They came in covered in different colored paint and glitter, obviously celebrating the tradition in their own way.  Audrey came in with her usual gritty attitude, trying to one-up everyone's fun while Mick stayed by his car, a rusty 2000 Honda Civic, enjoying a clove.
"So, have fun eggin'up Mr. Wittlesby's?  How predictable..."
Joy retorted with, "You KNOW he's gonna be the main target every year, thanks to the way he treated Gomez as a kid."
"There were LOTS of teachers that disrespected you, Gomez.  You just for him because he lives in town."
"AND because he was openly racist." answered Gomez.  Even Audrey couldn't argue that.
"So, where are you losers headed next?"
Matt, Joy's boyfriend and shotgun passenger, answered nonchalontly "Going to Camden."
"What do YOU tools know about Camden?" quipped Mick.
Silence for a minute.  The truth was, these central Jersey kids had very little experience in Camden.  But they weren't about to let Mick and Audrey know that.  Matt shared confidently, "Joy stayed there a few weeks this past summer."
Joy gave a surprised look to Matt, but quickly responded with, "Yeah, I was visiting some cousins."
"Oh yeah, what street did you stay on?" asked Audrey.
Joy paused, and replied with, "It was right off "Martin Luther King Jr Blvd."
Audrey laughed so hard she spit out her soda.  "YOU...stayed off MLK Blvd?  YOU??"  She thought for a second, and then stated, "Pics or it didn't happen."
Joy immediately whipped out her phone, knowing full well there wasn't a damn picture on there outside of Middlesex county.  But her boyfriend stopped her hand, and said calmly, "We don't need to prove anything to you."
"Oh really?  You're such a selfie slut, you should have dozens of pictures in the hood."
"Where I stayed, the neighborhood wasn't that bad."
"Then I KNOW you weren't on MLK Blvd in Camden."  Audrey then started to walk back to Mick's car, and stated, "But I can't waste any more time with you fucktards.  We've got houses to hit."  The group heard the door slam shut as Audrey drove away and screamed, "DEUCES!!!" while Mick drove away in his rusty piece of crap.

Hanging out in and near Walter Rand Transportation Center, and consequently, MLK Blvd.  Meeting a homeless lady that Sandy recognizes from years before.  The lady told her to "keep her cracker ass away from her".  Then the lady took out what turned out to be a dead cat out of her bookbag, and proceeded to pet the cat in the station.  Never mind the foul stench of the urine soaked blanket she was sitting on.  For her, this was totally normal, and she was happy.  Sandy is jealous of her happiness, as it seems to elude her.
Hanging out in the local McDonalds.  Meeting Loida and her three kids, who the bunch ended up adopting for an hour while Loida visits her husband in the local lockup.
Sandy, getting separated from her friends, senses something weird behind her, walks faster, but the weird feeling persists.  Suddenly, a wolf looking creature with yellow glowing eyes comes out of an alley way to her left.  The wolf was waist high, all grey with thin black streaks on his back.  He let out a fierce low growl; at first, Simoriah thought it was directed at her.  Then the wolf directed its growl in back of her; she looked behind her and there were two teenagers walking close to her.  Though they were not menacing looking, it was troublesome, on Mischeif Night of all nights, to be walking so close to someone.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Flatbush Willie


This is the story of my fun and fabulous New Years Eve in the city.  THE City.  As in, the City which was built on Sex and Sax on the Six...well, you get the jist.
I was originally supposed to spend New Year's Eve in South Jersey with Mick and the gang.  Then I found out I had to waitress, which sucks.  The bosslady and I argued about my schedule for that day, but in the end, I had to take the shift.  Though I would have preferred to see my friends in South Jersey, this was kind of a way to save me $50 and a tank of gas. 
So, anyway, I got a call from Flatbush Willie in NYC. He tells me about this happening party in Harlem that night. So, I agreed. Hell why not? Never spent NYE in NYC before...

Friendlys' is a non-alcoholic restaurant, so thankfully it closed at 8:30 PM.  I left work in a hurry, showered, and changed for the night.  I was originally told the party was "casual" (never listen to a straight man's fasion sense) so I wore jeans and a nice shirt.  Nothing fancy.  I put on some light makeup, let my parent's dogs out, then I took the train to NEW YORK CITEH!!  Sharing the train was a group of hot Asian men along with a flurry of drunks waiting to celebrate new years half naked with a bottle of champagne.  It took an hour to reach Penn Station, where I could see the ungodly crowdedness that is Times Square. Waiting for my friend to arrive, I have a $6.50 slice of pizza. Damn. That pizza better had gold in it.

After about a 1/2 hour wait, Flatbush Willie arrives. Instead of driving to Harlem right away, I wanted to be as close to Times Square as I could possible get being that I did not arrive at 9AM. So, we walked as far as we could and then heard the ball drop. We (Willie and I) were in back of the building with the Apple on it.  Wow, such an amazing feeling. All the people there were just so joyous. The feeling of togetherness was so palpable…then we were whisked back to reality when we had to watch out for vomit puddles and avoid the drunken fights. Hey, at least Willie did not get a ticket for parking illegally.
We got to the party in Harlem around 12:30 AM. During the drive, I called my friends to wish them a Happy NY after trying about 10X. Going into the apartment building, there was a strange lady who screamed “Happy New Year! Did you find Jesus yet?” I felt like saying “He’s on the back stairwell recovering from New Years” but that could have incited a riot on 96th.  We walked up the stairs, and for the place it was in, the apartment was nice. The place was nicely painted, and I never saw such a huge TV. Had to be 80 inches.  Well, then everyone was getting back from being at the clubs. $150 a ticket. I would never pay that, and if I did, I would be there from beginning to end. I guess they kinda knew because there was this air about them, like “oh your from jersey”, and they did not want to talk. There was kind of a harbinger at this party to warn me about the rest of the night. Willie told his friend that he did not see a single roach when he went to my apartment, much to his surprise.
 I realized early on in the night that the next train back to Matawan was not until 5:30AM. So, I followed my friend Willie back to his place in Flatbush, Brooklyn to kill some time. Well, this was a real Eye opener to the way people live. I walked into the building…and there was this smell, similar to the smell of roaches and filth. like the roaches owned the place and let people live there..So, I went into his place, and WHOA!!.  When he turned the lights on the roaches did not even flinch…it was disgusting…there were 20 of them just having their own New Years party right on the kitchen counter. He had the nerve to offer me juice, to which I abruptly said “NO”. I was trying not to come off as a snob but I was also glad I left my purse in my car at the Matawan train station. Well, then after I got over the initial shock of the cluttered kitchen, I went to his living/bedroom. I sat uneasily on the daybed. He assured me there were no roaches in this room, but one could never tell with all the stuff there. I had to use the bathroom, and there were roaches in the bathroom. He looked at me as if I was the one with the problem, and said, “Don’t worry they don’t bite”. Like he would know. After 15 minutes, I finally hovered over the toilet and prayed that nothing would come near me, since I had no shame at the moment of running and leaving a slight yellow trail. So, I got over that and watched an amazing special “the history of sex” on the history channel (no gratuitous nudity).
At 4:30 AM, I headed back to the train station.  I saw a sign in the building: "Please do not leave your doors open. There is a thief in the building. We do not know if he is living in the building or if it is the crackheads next door.” That summed up the building right there. I was glad to go back to the train station.  It was way too early, or late, depending on your schedule.  I bought a ‘cheap’ $7.50 cheeseburger & fries and also a National Geographic. Any other magazine and I would have fallen asleep amidst the sex articles. But they had such a good article on coffee, which of course I had in my right hand. I contemplated the days events. I had fun, and I did another thing I could cross off my todo list, of being in New York for Times Square. Yay.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

10 Minutes of Silence

Walk outside
Inhale the garbage fumes
Exhale tension.

Sit down.
Whip out a cigarrette.
Try to light it
but the matches don't like fire
Suddenly, one match concedes
and my Marlboro is lit.
Inhale the tobacco tension reliever.
Exhale the stress of today.

Let thoughts escape.
Close eyes
Headache finally calms down.
No man to bother me.
No customer to annoy me.
No schoolwork to bog me down.

Watch the busy clouds roll by
They have work to do
Ignore the dumpster
or the stench of it.
Admire the Rowan Countryside
Thinkin' back to the easy times.
I looked forward to this?

Remember Roxanne
Think of the stupid things
The things we did in time free
And time free we had too much to be
enjoyable then.
I miss them.

Think back to....summertime
Dangle my feet off the firetruck ride.
But that wasn't good enough
Drive on 35 at 65 with Tina.
But that wasn't good enough
Stayin' out late on a date with my man, Tom
But that wasn't good enough.
So this is good?

Think of what has to be done.
Think of what has to be faced
And who gets honorable mention
on my shit list.
Think of the time
Look at the time.
See, it's time to go.
Say goodbye to the busy clouds
Put your memories away for another day
Flick your cigarrette.
Slowly, get your legs firm.
Go back to work.

Monday, October 14, 2013

More Ideas for the Novel

Very stressfull week at work.  11 hour days.  And yet, in my break time, the story is starting to take shape in my head.  Before, I could not imagine how the story began, or would end.  I took some inspiration from a few things.  For example, I could see in my head where Rose finally would get upset about being let go of her internship at a specific job.  She was so upset, in fact, she didn't want to go home and tell her dad.  So, she took the train from Long Island to Manhattan.  She had fun walking around the city, at night, doing things that were normally "forbidden" by her family.  She went to a nightclub and danced for two hours.  The bouncer didn't even check her ID!  After having a few drinks, she went into a pool hall.  It was there she met "Alonzo".  He was a tall, clean cut African American man, around 6 feet tall.  He was wearing dress pants and a dark gray dress shirt.  Rose felt that she could trust him, and so she told him about being in the city along.  He said this was a very dangerous thing for promised that he would show Rose around New York, and keep her safe.  Of course, that came at a price.  When he took her back to the hostel where she stayed, he insisted on sleeping with her.  This was her first time having sex, and she felt very dirty, and used.  Also, when he left, he tried to take her $$.  However, she started to yell at him outside the hostel, and this attracted the attention of a local named Scully.  Scully stole back the money for Rose, and "rescued" her by bringing her to his aunt's house for the evening.  She slept on the couch.  In the morning, she was woken up by the most handsome man she ever met.  His name was Dean.  He was 18, as she was.

I also figured out that I can somehow make it so that Dean sees a missing person's ad, and realized that he may be considered Rose's kidnapper.  So he ends up taking Rose back home.  Rose, of course, is unwilling to separate from Dean, but finally goes, if only to have Dean avoid issues.  Meanwhile, they pursue their seperate careers.  6 years later, they finally meet back up thanks to good old social media.

Of course, the logistics of it all, I am still trying to work in my head.  But it feels good to finally be thinking of the story again. Funny how this only happens the more depressed I am.

Lil' Sister

Inspired by Little Sister by Jewel

Hey lil' sister
going home to Mister So and So
knock knock knocking
on his door again last night
in a fit of rage
Threw your clothes on your floor
He hit you
And you went back for more and more
like a hurricane
Shining saddle on his doorstep
to rescue you
but you didn't take it
said you deserve the torture
of spring sunny days flashing before
like you've never seen
and will never get to enjoy them
like a child

Why does her mind wander around
with a confused passion
like a dragon or a demon
searching for answers
of the unknown question:
Who killed my mother
and my dear father
all in one fell swoop
like flowers drifting on the ocean
got some water
but 'tis not the right kind
Oh, no I don't mind that you
made me dinner of rice and cracker jacks

Whose that round back?
Go and answer the door
but 'tis the same
yet not like before

Bless your heart,
How did you rip your skin?
Where did it come from?
Where have you been?
I just took a walk round the big ol' lake
about a quarter to 4
then I saw a poor
little girl just walking alone
and you know after midnight,
it's not safe for little girls
with white lace bobby socks
and a little pink sundress
and long straight hair in pigtails
to go searching for snails
Sure enough, she fell,
and then let out a wail
But lil' Suzy
mama ain't here
she's having a beer
with Mr So and So
So you better get to
knocking on his door before
he slaps your momma some more
Maybe someday you'll receive
a reprieve from your crazy life
and enjoy a spring sunny day
like the kind your momma never had

It's too bad, so sad
your momma never knew
the gift she had in a little girl like you
until one Sunday in May
you ended up in a body bag
thanks to Mr So and So
and his drama
Knocking Up Your mama
one more time so they
needed you no more
another mouth to feed
and care for
But it was so easy
Just knock her to the floor
and let the maggots do the rest
Oh Lil' Suzy
you deserved
so much more...

Monday, October 7, 2013

You know, I should really write down these momentary blips of imagination...they could all congeal and form a fabulous story.

I remember reading in the "Complete Idiots" guide to Creative writing that  one idea doesn't make a novel.  You need two or three key pieces in a story to make a great novel.  So, like, as timeless and epic as I might see Rose and Dean, I simply got tired of writing about them.  Because in my mind, I had to pull everything out of my mind.  And as much as I have lived, my life isn't nearly as interesting as some people's.  Like, for example....one of my LJ friends.  Her stepdaughter is living the life, moved from MN to northern CA all while couch surfing and working for various odd jobs and various odd people's.  Something I always wanted to do.  When I was 18, and didn't have any balls.  Hell it took all of my strength to go to college as far away as I did (2+ hours away.  From my entire world.  Scary.  And just what I needed.)  And also, I should have switched majors in college.  I knew I wanted to in my Third year.  But as with any other decision, I was made to feel that OF COURSE I was gonna finish college and OF COURSE I was gonna get a job, get married, have kids, because that's what people do after college.  They come home and make their parents happy.  So guess what.....this is going to be a novel on Road tripping.  WHY NOT include something about a failed life goal?  Dunno.  Maybe she couldn't complete the epic dream intern job.  Because her mom died.  Or someone important.  Someone essential to her being.  In my case, it was my brother.  But for her, it could be her "birth" mother, or something.  

Friday, September 20, 2013

Tom Fools

Silly Little Poem I wrote at Work
(helps if it is sung to the tune of Little Big Town's Pontoon)
Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0O0nzkESTI
Instrumental: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4ZTRjzr5N0
Today I had an int'resting morning
Neighbor woke me up before 9
Love note left upon his car
Check yo' other bitches, ain't mine.
Take my damn computer why don't you?
No matter that I'm using it too.
While you're here take all my shit.
I'm sure you'll ask for it anyway.
Oh, the tomfools
Complacent twits who spend their lives not doing shit
Take a hit of weed, don't act like you don't want to
5 days I spend working
while you spend it slothing
doing nothing....
Man named Edgar texted and called me
I told his ass, "Go buy a damn clue!"
I found out where your boots have been
So save your story for someone new....
Coworker back.from Hollywood
Tried to put me on blast, I wish you would.
Better stay away for your own good.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Over Him

I wrote this poem in college to get over a guy.  That guy in the comic below (guy even looked like him)

Fribble Frabble
Watching your friend's soul whisk away in the
night wind.  Did he have one to begin with?
No, mommy wouldn't let him
Loveless creature.
How I pity you.
          Can't learn to love yourself
                   So how could you love me
                                                            or her?

She was your meant to be
soulmate striving for the night
How could I be so blind as I was?
          You think yourself Devil's child
                  Well, wrong again.
                           I think I'll take over now

As mine patience flickers freely falling from
God or the clouds
to satisfy the Atheist's undying palate.
Even they have souls
                                           So WHAT if I cleaned your kitchen?
                              Selfish ass can't think anywhere but

Dibble Dabble
Come here weeping willow
      For why do you cry?
Here is nature's neverending beauty
and through your wet winks you
                                                cannot see
                Oh, Pity.
A young in love couple
They came to TRASH
the trees with
Mishy                                 Mushy                                 OOZES 
of Eskimo kisses.

How I long to relieve this
nauseated stomach.

Bibble Babble
Guess they can't really see
I, always meant to be
A wandering gypsy
Forever free
of the constraining desires of a man
or woman for that matter
Pitter Patter
of little feet on the ground
will never know of a man
that didn't love,
                       couldn't love,
                                            wouldn't love,
                                                                  So he left.

An old woman
Looking back on her life wiht no regrets
Except for the men that hurt her
Those few men left her
not able to love
Should I become that old woman?
Maybe someday,

                                                          My soul will decide.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Attempt at children's story

So, I've been trying to write this childrens story all day. Trying to formulate it in my head, but its kinda hard when you have a million and one distractions.  I try to keep a positive spin on distractions, as they can add to the story to some extent.  In this case, going to the boardwalk provided some inspiration. 

The Town that Fun Built

Today is a big day for Nicholas.  He is 10 years old, and his family is taking their first trip to the Jersey shore.  They live in Brooklyn, and usually spend their free time in Coney Island.  However, his uncle recently bought a car (quite a luxery in Brooklyn for 1963) and wanted to explore.  His family heard of a shore town that had a gigantic boardwalk for all the tourists and gorgeous, pristine beaches.  Nicholas didn't really want to go to yet another boardwalk, with the crowds and children running wildly about, but he didn’t have a choice in the matter. 

You see, Nicholas was a peculiar child.  Instead of hanging out all day like the neighborhood kids, Nicholas preferred reading quietly in his room.  Places with too many sounds, lights, and smells bothered him to the point of exhaustion.  The first time he was in Coney Island, he found the nearest dark corner and hid for most of the day.  His parents socialized him as best as they could, but generally accepted him as he was.  But in Russia, all of the schoolmasters wanted to send him away to an institution like the other "weird" and "special" kids.  Nicholas's uncle Ivan advised his sister Sveta to move to the US to avoid this.  Now, Nicholas and his parents live next to his uncle's family in Sheepshead Bay.

At the crack of dawn, the family loaded up in the big station wagon and headed out of Brooklyn.  Along with Nicholas's mom, Sveta, came his Uncle Ivan and Aunt Katya, and his cousins Ivan Junior and Yuri.  The children sat in the cab while the parents happily chatted away up front.  While Yuri and Ivan played amongst themselves, Nicholas watched the scenery from the back window.  Pretty soon the car entered New Jersey; after the Raritan River Bridge, the highway was lined with nothing but green trees and farms.  This was the family's first jaunt out of Brooklyn, and Nicholas wasn't quite used to this much greenery.  But the vast amount of trees and fields mesmerized him.  He was having fun counting the farm animals and studying the vast amount of green trees. 

Finally, after driving an hour through this seemingly infinite wilderness of green trees and farmland, the family reached a shore town called Seaside Heights.  The family drove through the store laden streets and left the big station wagon in the maze of city parking.  Once on the boardwalk, the family was astonished by the sheer length of the beach. Nicholas was more impressed with the drive; to him, entering NJ felt like this brave new world, where people can spread out as much as they like.  He'd heard that people here had homes with almost a hectare of land! Land was such a commodity in Brooklyn, and whatever free space that was available had to be shared with the neighborhood kids.  

The boardwalk seemed much larger than the boardwalk of Coney Island, and there was a greater selection of food and games.  Zeppolis, ice cream and burgers, plus scores of stands lined with bottles waiting to be knocked down and balloons to be popped.  Plus, this place had giant roller coasters on Casino Pier, as well as Lucky Leo's, which contained the largest game stands and biggest prizes.  The family decided to spend the day near Lucky Leos.  When Nicholas first walked on the boardwalk, he was overwhelmed by the cacophony of stand workers pitching their games to the crowds of rowdy tourists.  Just as in Coney Island, Nicholas found an obscure segway, and tried to hide.  What he didn't realize was that this segway's wood was not particularly sturdy.  When Nicholas sat on it, the wood broke, causing Leo to fall under the boardwalk onto the hard sand.  

Nicholas was initially scared, since he was never under the boardwalk at Coney Island.  But he liked that he was secluded from the noise by the boardwalk.  He was able to watch people cheer for their families away from the noise and the loud people.  Suddenly, he was feeling curious; he wanted to know where the boardwalk ended.  Nicholas walked underneath the boardwalk, past a few teenagers secretly sharing a cigarette, until he reached the place where the stores met the sand.  Looking out from the boardwalk's end, Nicholas saw the waves of water crashing, and was feeling adventurous.  He wanted to know what true unabashed nature felt like.

So he stepped onto the sand, walked towards the water and opened up all of his senses to this magical place. He could taste the breezy salt air as he walked towards the ocean.  The sun beat down on the seemingly endless beach as the sand was initially hot to the touch.  It then changed texture from dry and fine to wet and coarse; finally, the sand was so watery it couldn't hold the shape of Nicholas's footsteps.  Since this was the beach, Nicholas figured, it only seemed right to take a dip into the ocean.  So, he took off his shirt and shoes, and dove into the sea.  

He was initially amazed at the strong current, so he made sure to keep where he could stand in the ocean.  But once he had gained his bearings, he was in love with the feeling of the tide's ebbs and flows.  This current seemed to carry him towards the crowds again, so he walked further south, his feet squishing the sand and rocks between his toes.  He could see the crowds of surfers dancing on the water while a fishing yacht went to sea.  He did not mind seeing all of the sunbathers frolicking in the surf as long as the view was from afar.

As he was floating along, he could see a lifeguard swimming out towards him. Nicholas did not realize how far he had floated in the ocean, getting dangerously close to a buoy.  One of the lifeguards swam up to him, placed him flat on his board and gave a "thumbs up" signal to the other lifeguard on the beach.  Then he swam back with Nicholas in tow.  Once back on land, the lifeguard then asked Nicholas if he was ok, to which he gently nodded. 

Nicholas started to walk towards the boardwalk when suddenly, he could see a tall blond lady checking all of the alleyways of the boardwalk.  Sure enough, Nicholas's mother was looking for him.  He walked up onto the boardwalk to reassure his mother he was safe.  When he mother saw him, she shouted, "Nicholai!" and hugged her son.  Almost immediately, she started pegging Nicholas was questions.  "Where were you?" She then switched to Russian "And where is your book?  And where are your shoes and shirt?"  While these were fair questions, Nicholas did not have an immediate response.  His uncle chimed in with, "Your mother was worried about you!  Next time, stay close by!"  He then ordered Yuri and Ivan to retrieve Nicholas's belongings at the end of the boardwalk. 

Thankfully, the sun was shining in full force, and Nicholas was dry in less than an hour.  His clothing was still full of sand, and he had to go with his uncle to the bathroom to shake off the sand.  When Nicholas was done, he met his uncle at the bathroom sink.  His uncle continued sternly, in a thick Russian accent, "Your mother was very concerned for you today.  That was wrong of you to walk off like that."  As they were walking out of the bathroom, his uncle said, "I have one question for you."  Nicholas turned around, and his uncle was smiling.  He asked, "Was the ocean fun?"

Nicholas beamed with pure joy.  Uncle Ivan has not seen him this happy since Nicholas left Russia.  He rubbed Nicholas's head and replied, "My boy!"  This was surely a day that Nicholas would never forget.

The words:

 adventurous  astonished anxious blowing breezy gorgeous infinite maze mesmerize rowdy secluded sheer sun surf swim watery wet wind yacht 

Tuesday, September 10, 2013


So, up until now, I've been focused on Dean, since he will be the main love interest.  And of course, it is fun.  But I.also wanted to do some character development for Rose.  I don't know how much of me, of my.personality, she will possess.  Back when I was in my 20's, I was also a totally different person.  This was still before I discovered my Aspieness.  I was also going through a horrible depression due to teaching not working out. 
Hrm.  Rose.  Rosemary Nan Helgenberger.  She was born in 1993 in Beth Israel hospital to Margery and Stephen Helgenberger.  She spent her childhood in Dix Hills, LI surrounded by other well to do people.  She was an only child at first.  When she was 10, her mother left home.  This left a hole in Rose's heart, as she was unable to find her mother through any websites.  Her father was also devastated, but married shortly after her mom left.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Introduction to Dean and Rose

My friend told me with all of the recent writing energy that I have, I should work on writing a novel.  Well, that's a little daunting.  Yeah, I can write a poem or two but even those took me hours to write.  The novel would take weeks, months maybe.  Not that this is a bad thing....not that I should not try.  But there was a reason I stayed as a call center agent.  I was trying to keep my workload a little less stressfull.  But maybe I should go for that analyst gig.  I am good at overanalyzing, and less stress over things.  Although, I would wonder what would get me laid off first.

Anyway.....if I was to write a novel, it would probably be some sort of road trip novel.  Two young adults.  Falling in love.  Staying in cheap motels along the way.  Meeting very interesting people (my friend Spawn would make a GREAT side character).  Of course, I already have many life experience points in this arena.  And naturally, the man would encompass all of the main points of my exes.  The good, the bad, and the downright dirty shame.

If I had to pick a main character....it would probably be a man who looked like Bruno Mars, but much taller.   Like, 6 foot. (Because, well, most of my exes were tall and of color).  The other thing that draws me to Bruno Mars is that, well, he doesn't look "tough".  I didn't want a "tough" looking male main character.  I mean, he could probably hold his own, and seem formidible if necessary, but I wanted the main male character to be someone that seemed, well, approachable.   Oh, and the guy looks freaking handsome in a suit.  (Sure the song "Gorilla" had something to do with it.  And no, I don't feel bad about making a relationship work completely due to sex.  Lots of Hollywood, and Spanish foreign films, have tons of romances completely based of hot sex.)

I can't say I am totally infatuated with Bruno Mars himself.  Sorry.  He's too....pretty?  I think he's gonna come out one day, as gay.  But as a main character, for a novella or romance? I can see him being totally likeable to the audience.

The dapper Bruno: 
   <-- The Brooding Bruno

Weird thing about the internet.  You don't know someone but you can see their entire family online, through videos.  In a way, this is totally cool.  I know I live in NJ.  I know that the rest of the world looks at us like "NYC's garbage dump"  (that's Staten Island).  Weird to hear his mother say, "I will remember this for the rest of my life."  And her life just ended earlier this year.  Bruno's mom going back to the Phillipines to see him in concert (wow, she just died too.  Embolism.)  See him perform with his dad.  See a LOT of Hawaii, and not through freaking tourist pictures.  Just actual video from people who LIVE there.  Trying to get a feel for the man.  And the Hawaii lifestyle in general.  That laid back attitude will be a key component for this main guy character.  While it can be very trying at times for the female lead's, this same laid back attitude will also keep her grounded, and keep her sane.  It will also bring a new perspective (for example, is it REALLY that important to buy that??)


OK, for some characteristics.  He probably seems like a bit of a player at first.  In reality, he is a nice guy whose heart belongs to the one woman he thought he could never have (this would be the female lead's character, based on me).  Very passionate about life, but not about work.  He kinda has to be pushed for that.  Unsure if I will have him like music....but it would be a good reason for going cross country.  From NJ to California.  So he can get discovered on Hollywood Blvd as a musician.  I'll think about it.  Even tho IRL, the man can play every instrument, for his character I'll just have guitar and possibly harmonica

I wasn originally going to say that the female would look like Kristen Stewart (she plays an "everywoman's" character well) but....she could also look like ...a toss between Nikki Blonski and a young Ricki Lake.  The idea is that she is a little big, and this is a major issue for her.  But she is  a otherwise successfull student who feels that she failed miserably at life because she couldn't fulfill her dream. (Yes, sound familiar.  My dream was just kinda low.)

Nicki Blonski:

I realize now that at the time, I didn't write much about the Rose character, since well, she is based on my own personal experiences.  This character will evolve, as during the journey, she learns to come out of her shell.

Assorted Notes on Dean and Rose

So....I finally came up with the name for my male character.  Dean.  Strong name.  Taken from the 50's.  And since the bulk of the story may end up taking place in the late 70's / early '80's....(I toyed with the idea of this strong being a fiction story about what my true parents may have been like), Dean seemed to fit.  I was also thinking of making Dean's mother one of the bigger characters in the story.  She can be played by Rosie Perez.  Would make sense.  She would be the parent whose life was "messed up" by Dean, because naturally, in the early '60's teenage mothers were hidden away from the world.  She has spent half of her life chasing after loser men (one who badly abused Dean) and the other half, high on drugs.  Dean's Puerto Rican grandparents took care of him until they died; then he went to live full time with his mom when he was a teenager.  He didn't get much exposure to the African American side of his family.

. I had a new chapter forming in the story of.Dean and Rose. I was picturing Rose, crying on what looked like a cot. Could very well be a motel bed; the place was sure dirty. Dean was yelling at her; after a while, she learned to make him silent in her head since all of his yells sounded the same. Numbness. Hopeless. Rock bottom. How did she end up like this? Then Dean asks her, "Now I need to know...do u love me?". She doesn't respond. Dean asks a second time, only he grabs her tightly on the arms and shakes her, "I need to know NOW!! do u love me??". She starts to cry, and responds through wimpers of pain, "of course baby. I love you with all of my heart and soul.". Then Dean looks into her eyes, as.if he was peering into her soul, and says, "Then you need to trust me. I won't let anyone hurt you. But you.need to give a little more. Please baby...do this, do this for us.". Dean kisses her.on the forehead and leaves. Almost instantly, she gets a knock on the door. It's a middle aged bald white man. He looks nervous..rose welcomes him in. She asks him for his pleasure today before she throws up a little on her mouth. She is wearing a.black dress with a scarf. And the rest becomes a blur.....

Great line for Dean: "And of course babe will both drive world into madness.  A mad king and queen."
Of course the Madman in my life had to say that line.

"Love you my wicked queen"

Well, what better to do with my time than write up some Dean and Rose stories?  I am going over my old journal for any notable stories.  Like, the walk we took from near Lawnside to Philly, riverside area.  Yeah, we spent a LOT of time in Philly being homeless.  Sleeping in Liberty Bell park (yup, near the Liberty Bell).  Having sex near an overpass at 295.  Spending time with his friend Randy, the redneck.  He was paid $1 million for a lawsuit settlement (he got hit by a train when he was a kid) and not only spent it all but was almost $100,000 grand in debt.  I mean, I can see it.  One can get carried away by that kinda $$.  He also had two men living with him.  Yes, they were gay lovers but the notable thing was that he was also a drunk and the "head" of the household.  I didn't question it.  This was also the first time I had ever watched a gay porno - it was out of curiosity since I always knew a lot of men get off on lesbian flicks, but did it work in a reverse?  (The short answer - NOOO!!!!  Now granted, it was badly acted with two men who were obviously NOT attracted to each other.)  If I remember correctly, Randy was a driver for a tow truck company and tried doing OTR truck work but it was too hard on him.  His friends did work at the movies (hence the lifesize posters of Austin Powers in our bedroom) but then worked on a website where they got "paid" for referring people to modeling agencies.  (My ex and I figured it was a scam, since they never ended up getting paid.)  They had cats - which destroyed my air mattress really quickly.  We got kicked out of that house a week and a half - actually I could have stayed but not my boyfriend.
Wow, I was so thick headed as this happened to me a LOT.  The whole dichotomy where they liked me and hated him.  The only people who really liked him were the other party goers (this was a theme in my life, as I had to get over the fact that I am NOT a boring person at parties, and therefore don't need scumbag boyfriends to liven up the party.)  Well, I guess live and learn.  Now back to Dean and Rose.
Truthfully, the vast majority of the story will take place in a seedy  motel.  In real life, I stayed 6 weeks at a motel in Williamstown.  $150 a week.  I of course paid for it.  Like an idiot.  I can't remember the name offhand, but "The Circle Motel" in Williamstown isn't pulling anything up.  It was probably bought up anyway - for now, I will focus on the "Mayfair" and the "Star" motel in Williamstown.  From the reviews I am seeing, these were straight roach motels - dirty, dingy, unkempt.  Perfect!!  At this place, we even had a pastor come and pick people up from the motel for work.  Flooring, rebuilding, hard labor (mostly men went to work for him).  He paid them a decent wage and all they had to do is listen to a 10 minute sermon at the end of their shift.  He still refused to go - listening to the pastor was too much for him (he's homeless and still there is work that is "beneath him").  I remember the place well - it was disgusting.  I swear they had their own breed of bugs living there.  The room two doors down from us was so roach infested, even their radio cassette player (we're talking 2001, ok?  No IPOD's were around especially for homeless people) had roaches coming out of it.  All the people that were there had this weird uneasy camradere.  I can go on for hours about this place.  I even saw my first live birth when one of the people in the motel was set to give birth - we all drove to the hospital 45 minutes away.  I ran every red light with no cars, because I COULD (hey, woman in labor in the car).  Good thing they didn't have those stupid cameras back then.
In terms of the story, I am not sure if I want to make this one motel or separate motels in different states.  Orginally, the idea for the story was that Dean was trying to become a world famous singer, and he was hitching a ride from NJ to LA to make his dream happen.  Of course, this would involve a LOT of research - good thing I've already driven on Route 66 to know how to go through the Southwest.  There were a lot of colorful motels down there.  The one motel we stayed out, KFM and I nearly got robbed - I'm pretty sure.  I heard someone knocking loudly on the motel room door, trying to get in, and I remember shouting, "You've got the wrong room!"  I looked through the keyhole and there was this guy who was looking at me, and and slowly walked away.  I never had such a horrible feeling from a person.  Yeah, thankfully KFM was sound asleep.  I barracaded us in with our suitcases - dumb idea, but how else was I gonna do this?  Also, KFM's suitcase was this 1960's style hard core suitcase with no wheels (guess who carried it on the trip??  <---Loser) so it did the job well of barracading.
Anyway, I guess a little more "travel" in the name of research wouldn't hurt?  (LOL if only I had the dinero).  For now, I am actually happy with all of the experiences I had, and if I should ever forget what it was like to stay in a dirty, dingy motel, I can just stay in a local one (ewww, perish the thought).  There was that other motel in Delran - now THAT was disgusting.  Opened up the drawers to find a cup filled with syringes.  Then outside our motel room was a box cutter knife, just in case I had some crack to snort.  I used it to hem my pants.  I am so ghetto.
LOL reading over my journal, I forgot that looking for men online was still considered a "loser" method so I'd go club hopping all the time.  I mean....what the hell?  And I wondered why I ended up with my ex.  I was still obsessed with finding a "purely" latino husband and while it is a lofty goal, I kinda have more important goals in mind, and if he is latino on the side , perfect.  Back then I was also still angry.  Just, in general.  Angry at my mom for leaving me at 11.  Angry at my dad for being what I perceived to be a racist asshole.  Angry at my stepmom for being .....herself.  And attempting to be there for me when I hated her.  With a passion.  I was just so angry, and I was working 60+ hours a week so I had no time to deal with all of these emotions.  Also, I hadn't figured out myself yet; the artsy, Aspie, empathic, crazy person that is a beautiful mess inside.
My First entry on my ex: 12/29/00
Wow, I gues the old phrase is correct: Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it!
Well, I wished for a man who would treat me right, and give me all the non-physical things that I could never give myself (companionship, caring, trust). Well, on Dec 8th, I met the most wonderful man (to date) I have ever met. And I met him in a club!
At first, my friends were very unsure about oour relationship, being how we met (That's another story for another time). But all of my friends are starting to get used to the new non-single Regina.
I will be willing to admit that I was suspicious at first. But you know what? He has proven himself to be honest through his family and friends. And I know that he wants to improve himself. Through that, he has helped me learn how to meditate. Well, there is so much more that I could tell you, but I am at work, with nothing to do. I almost miss 100's of calenders... NAHH!!!
Thank goodness I tagged my journal with all Khary stuff.  But really, all of the 2001 journals were Khary drama.  I need to go through my journals and tag the hell out of all of them.  See if there were any stories I left out of 2001.  I had very little access to a computer after I left Kinko's and while I wrote down what I could, it was hard.  Especially those days in June / July where I was literally on the streets.
The other major theme in my life was depression.  I had a dream, I wanted to be a teacher, and I felt like such a loser because I never became a teacher.  I just wanted a normal teacher life, with a hard working husband, and a few kids.  A ranch house in suburbia.  It wasn't happening. And my co-teacher from the college didn't help.  She literally looked at me and was like, "I knew I was going to have trouble with you from the day we met."  WHO SAYS THAT?  Because I heard her wrong.  Bitch.  It's ok now.  The universe is unfolding as it should.  I have to believe that anyway, or go crazy.
I totally forgot that my ex wanted to move out to California.  This was, supposedly, right before we met.  Then he changed his mind and wanted to move to FL.  But had no plan or anything.  The way he saw life, and lived life, it was by the seat of his pants.  Which is, adventurous.  And I am sure I was more averse to change at that point, which is funny.  Having lived life at all levels, you learn a little bit each time..

Also kinda more mad that I didn't take more pictures back then.  But, at the same time, most men are too shy to take pictures.  Of course, they had no issues taking any of my naked body.  Also, my camera was not ...wonderful.  So glad I got a new camera two years ago.  Pictures do speak to me far more than words.
Still looking through my old journals.  I had a lot more active LJ friends back then.  So I guess I should find some more?  LOL.  Haven't found any rogue stories about Khary but did find a LOT of gems for the other book I joke about publishing - 50 first dates.  After all of those experiences I can totally see why I am sick of dating.

YES!! Finally found one of Khary - his old emails to me after I left him.  If I had any doubt he was a narcisisstic piece of garbage, all I had to do was read my old emails from him:
"I can't stop thinking of you, all the shit that we went through pretty much proves how much I love you. All that yelling I did at you, was all because I love you and I was trying to protect you from your friends taking advantage of you. It just wasn't right for them to do what they did, even though I took all the blows and deep down it still hurts from how much they thrashed me."
That coulda been taken out of a page of every abusive man's journal.

Getting back bits and pieces of our time together, here and there. Of our first night together. My friend Roy from Boston was coming down for the weekend. But he didn't tell us.when he was coming and it was a 6 hour drive. And we wanted to party. So we brought my friend's cell phone (that clunky thing), set it to vibrate and stuck it between my boobs. We waited for hours for a phone call. I remember getting a.glance at.him, talking to my roommate and my.roommate brushing him off. Then he was speaking to other girls randomly in the club before he walked over from the side and danced with me. He was a nice enough guy, very charming. VERY charming. we went outside to talk further. The guy he was with was freaking out on the phone, finally came over to us and stated he kicked him out of.the house. Not knowing the situation, I said to spend the night at my place. Oh....if I only knew. The next I knew, he was home with me....and again he was so nice and charming. and my friend was maaaad at us for being late. And for him becoming defacto third wheel. I think he wanted to sleep with me but gladly it never.happened. Roy got such a bad vibe from Angel / Khary. But I ignored it. And all of the bad vibes from everyone else. Mike, Kathy, even the gay man that was Khary's roommate / lover (I didn't know). We went to get his.stuff two days later and carried all his belongings out in plastic bags.  That same gay man told me that Khary was his lover, and I simply didn't believe it.  But it all makes sense now.  Khary used to call a place in Atlantic county all the time (saw it on the phone bill).  Also, I received two very suspicious emails from the gay man to Khary.  Describing....sex acts and also particular clothing (thongs and such) that he wanted Khary to wear.  Yeah, I don't know why I didn't pay attention to the signs.

The other thing that I found in my journals was that I had made a pact with my Goddess that night (I refer to her as "Mother Earth") that I wasn't going to have casual sex any more.  I actually wrote on a piece of paper "Casual sex" and burned it, signalling the end of my casual sex days.  In hindsight, I really wanted this relationship to work, at all cost.  I figured that other couples had their own drama and found ways to stay together.  Also, back then I was convinced that while white women would drop a man at the first sign of issues, that black women would stay and make it work.  Now, I don't see that as a color line at all.  I think it is one thing to make a marriage work, but there are certain issues, certain circumstances, that signals for a relationship's end.  Also, one person can't make a marriage work (marriage - any committed LTR) if the other person isn't fully committed.  There isn't a color line for this or a cultural one.  I do admit - certain circumstances (like, societal pressure, family pressure, or something like poverty, homelessness, or any major need) may keep a person in a relationship far longer than they like or expect.  Again, this is not a cultural thing.  This is a human thing.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Silly Poem

This is just a silly little poem that I wrote (on break at work) to get my mind thinking.  Feel free to critique but...not nearly as intense as the others.

Slump slump
dumpety dump
Funky Funk
Funky chunk
a funky dunk from
a flunky punk who
puked his junk
on the truck of a Ford.
Quack said the duck,
but I couldn't give a Flying f*ck.
Bin Laden
Bin "Rad"en
Been raiding my pantry
for some healthy wealthy Wize....chips.
Doing it on the stealth
Since those things are
Worth their weight in gold
Crispy lard goodness
And you can't have just one....

Sunday, September 1, 2013


This is just a first draft of the poem.  Read.  Enjoy.  Comment.

When I say I need to be
Naked with you
I don’t just mean physically
 I’m talkin’ emotionally
Crazy Passionately
Bearing my soul to thee
I want closeness so intuitive
That words are extraneous and
Actions will be spontaneous and
Strangers will be amazed at us
For being so in harmony.

I know, it is work
But I promise it is worth the fight
Or the momentary loss of a perceived freedom
For the long term gain of my love
And dedication
My devotion, such a
Powerful emotion
That no simple ruffneck
deserves to know

So please don’t blow this
Potential lifetime of bliss
Over a one night tryst
Or some ridiculousness
Or you’ll end up hungry for more
Than Dollar store Ramen
And a booty call with your latest
Billy Jean Drama Queen
All while another man
will be living your dream.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Story as Offering to the Goddess

So now that I have decompressed from this weekend, and from dealing with my ex, I now feel comfortable enough to write a story for the Goddess.  It is a full moon after all. I've had a candle lit all night, and I will put on some more incense as well to set the "mood".  Story for the evening?  An Unrequited Love Story.  Please note that this is purely a work of FICTION and none of this ever happened on this life plane.  Also, this is still a draft.  I'm still reworking it in my head.

The story centers around two main characters: Simoriah and Leonardo.  Simoriah is a woman in her late 20's living in central NJ, working in a call center and dating Ivan.  Ivan is a guy who was popular in high school; now, he is in his late '20's and still partying while his friends slowly grow up and get married.  Ivan also has a 12 year old child, Iris, that Simoriah helps to take care of.  Iris is also the main reason Simoriah stays around, since she wants a family with Ivan.  Simoriah is generally happy with Ivan, but she wishes he would grow up and take more responsibility with his life.  She also wishes he was a lot smarter than he is.  Mentally, she is languishing in this relationship and secretly wishes she could have an intellectual affair on Ivan.
Leonardo is Ivan's good friend.  He was in the army for 8 years and travelled the world before he returned home to the drama laden city that is Freehold, NJ.  There are so many young adults there that party like they have no responsibilities.  He was ready to settle down; however his Jersey ex-girlfriend took him for a ride, and he is very hesitant to trust another woman around here.
Simoriah first met Leonardo when her car stopped working, and Ivan called his friend for a ride.  Leonardo was on his was to college and this would only be a minor detour.  Leonardo mistakenly assumed Simoriah was another of Ivan's loser girlfriends and asked.for $10.  For a 5 minute ride.  Simoriah was a little incensed but Ivan coughed up the money.  During the car ride, Simoriah said little to Leo, as she also assumed he was another of Ivan's idiot friends.  Leo thought she was being standoffish; needlessly, their friendship got off to a rocky start.  Simoriah continued to see Leonardo anytime Ivan wanted a guy's night out, or.some weed.  Slowly, she grew to see that Leonardo was more than just another neighborhood ruffneck. He is truly a world traveler, by means of the army.  Germany, Saudi Arabia, South Africa, England.  These are all places Simoriah could only dream of going.  And as much as Simoriah adored traveling, Ivan and her only had money for short distance camping trips as a bus ride to Indiana courtesy of good old Greyhound.  So of course, this well travelled soul was fascinating to her.  He was also a hot ticket in his hometown of Freehold, moreso for being a ruffneck with a good job.  And he was a very attractive Latin man as well.  Normally, this would be Simoriah's type, but with Ivan in her life Leo was stuck in the friendszone.  Until one fateful Christmas Eve night.
Although Leo had a great job as webmaster for the local hospital, he moonlight for the local street pharmacist.  Ivan had contracted Leo to obtain some weed for one of Simoriah's friend's parties, unbeknownst to Simoriah.  So when Simoriah showed up at the party, with her familiar witchy friends, and Leonardo alongside, she was a little tense at first.  
Although Ivan was familiar with this side of Simoriah, she had take great pains to hide this side of her from Ivan's friends and family since they were all Christian and Catholic.  Simoriah desperately wanted to adopt Iris and be an official "family" with Ivan, and knew that her spiritual beliefs could get in the way of this happening.  So she was nervous as her friend Spacey lit the Yule log in honor of the holiday.  But Leo didn't flinch.  And while Spacey performed a little ritual for the Solstice, Simoriah kept glancing at Leo carefully to see his reaction.  Leo didn't flinch; his reaction was purely reflective.  It was quite a moving and beautiful ritual; even Ivan, who normally can't sit still, watched the whole ritual in amazement as Spacey lite the Yule logs, and the incense, and the candles to honor the darkest night of the year, and the renewal of the season.
After the ritual was over, Simoriah walked over to Leo to find out what he had thought, and what Ivan had advised him.  Turns out that Ivan barely gave him any info about the party, except for the fact that they were "weird" (they were quite the eclectic bunch).  But while Leo himself is Christian, his travels have taught him to respect cultures and beliefs from all over the world.  This was very refreshing to hear from Simoriah, who could do without yet another of Ivan's speeches as to why all gay men should be sequestered; it also fueled her intrigue of Leo.
The rest of the party, Leo was being a perfect gentleman while Ivan was acting a FOOL.  While Leo could carry on conversations about everything from being "hood rich" to powerful political forces, all Ivan could worry about is being high again.  Leo kept reminding Ivan to simmer down. Simoriah adored the fact that Leo was able to keep Ivan in line.  Matter of fact, the more she pondered about Leo, the more she started to appreciate his better qualities.  His charm, his grace in a situation where he was ever the fish out of water.  His acceptance of all cultures.  His work ethic; hell Ivan needed some of that.  Simoriah even regretted committing to Ivan for a second before reminding herself that Ivan was the reason she even met Leo in the first place.
Then, Simoriah realized that it was 3:30 AM.  Simoriah and Ivan promised his parents that they would be there early tomorrow morning for Iris to open her presents.  Of course, Ivan wanted to keep partying, even while the party was slowly winding down.  Simoriah went to walk back to her apartment, which was 3 blocks away, and Leo asked her, "Where do YOU think you're going so late at night?"
"I'm going home.  I can't wait for Ivan anymore; Lord knows he may be here all night."
"Well, I don't believe in letting ladies walk home by themselves so late at night."
"Really, I don't want to impose, it is only three blocks away..."
"I'm imposing.  I insist I take you home."  stated Leo.  And with that, Simoriah hopped into Leo's Honda Civic, and he drove her home.
When they finally arrived, Leo suddenly remembered that they needed more rolling paper for the party.  Simoriah invited him in and pointed in the direction of the drug paraphernelia.  Suddenly getting a second wind, Simoriah decided to finish washing the dishes in the sink.  She knew if she didn't do them, they wouldn't get done as Ivan would never bother himself with such "woman's work".  Simoriah started to wash the dished when she looked over and saw Leo with a towel hand.  "At your service...."
Simoriah giggled and beamed brightly.  She had never seen this side of Leo before.  "It's ok, Leo.  You don't need to help me.  Ivan..."
"Ivan doesn't help you with jack.  I'm quite aware of that."
Simoriah turned away from the sink.  Embarrassed by what Leo stated, she sat on the couch.  Leo followed her, and sat down next to her.  Simoriah then started with, "I thought that..."
"Oh, you do a great job of covering for him.  But I know the truth.  Don't forget we've been friends 15 years.
Simoriah went to turn on the TV, but quickly remembered that they no longer had cable TV, as they could not afford it.  She was fumbling around, trying to find a way to end this conversation with Leo.  Meanwhile, Leo continued on, "Really, I can't imagine why you stay with him..."
"Hey, I LOVE that man!" Simoriah exclaimed as if she had something to prove.
"We all know you do.  All of Ivan's close friends and family know how devoted you are.  The question that we have is, "Why?"
Simoriah was startled by this.  She didn't have a response, other than, "but I LOVE him.." So, she sat on the worn in beige couch bathing in the full moon light.  Leo sat down next to her, much to her shagrine.  Apparently the weed was adding moxy to his already bold personality. 
Simoriah found it hard to sit next to him, as the energy was palpable.  She labored with her breathing, but could not ignore the excitement building up from Leo sitting next to her.  She was also feeling a little light headed from the sexual tension between them.  Leo reached over with his strong hand and started playing with her hair; this turned her on even more and she let out a soft moan.  The two met eyes, and then it happened.

Friday, August 16, 2013

At Least the Meal was Free Part Two

Heres another story from my dating vault. Enjoy!
They say that the truth is stranger than fiction. I did not meet this man on migente. He came to me after seeing me on a website that I never knew I was on. See, I was talked into joining a website for what I thought was only for military singles. Turns out, this site links all different types of single sites together, and lumps the singles onto any appropriate site. He had written to me from a site for big, beautiful women and their lovers. I decided to give him a chance, because he had a great job doing computer work for an insurance company. It also helped that he was from an area of south jersey that I was looking into moving towards again.
Our first conversation went well. Except for one thing: he was stuck on the fact that while he did live in Mount Laurel now, he was from Burlington city. In the not so great part. And he still likes to visit that part a lot, since all of his family and friends were there. He had mentioned that growing up in that part made him who he is today. Throughout the whole conversation, I had sensed this vibe that he was sending, that he was better than me for growing up the way he did. I ignored it, of course.
Since he was from South jersey, we decided it was best to meet up in the middle, at a diner near exit 8 off the NJ turnpike. Depending how he made me feel, we were going back to my spot for some club hopping. (I was still a little trusting of people at this point.) I was nervous going there, because this (I thought) was the classiest guy I have met in a long time. I wanted to impress him. I already was wearing my best summer outfit, complete with makeup and my hair all curled out. So, I threw on a dance CD to shake off any last minute nerves. Hey, I thought, I am a great catch for any man. I have to believe I am worth it. I never once questioned if he was worth it.
So, I met him outside the diner. At first, he was cordial. He opened the door for me, and fully paid for the dinner. We had a nice conversation at dinner, but his head seemed to be elsewhere. I was worried that we might not be connecting, but at the same time, I was giving it my best shot. That’s all one can do.
To my surprise, he agreed to take the date further. He followed me back to my place, and we parked our cars near the door. My goal was to get ready to club hop. Well, his whole attitude changed the minute we walked in that door. Suddenly, he was no longer interested in me as a girlfriend. “We have nothing in common.” He said. Then he tore apart our conversation at the diner. “You said you did not like rap. Well, I LIKE rap. You said you did not like “Move Your Body” by Nina Skye. Well, I LIKE the 45 minute extended remix.” Everything I liked, he made an effort to dislike. Finally, disgusted I said, “Why did you follow me back to my place then if you don’t find me attractive?”
“Well, that is just it. We would not make a good couple, but I still find myself sexually attracted to you.”
“So, you came to use me for the sex, right? Well, you might as well go home now, it is not gonna happen.” He refused to go home, stating he was too tired to make the long commute home. I felt sorry for him, so he stayed. But I did protect myself. I went to bed with a tank top, underwear and full pants in case he wanted to be funny.
We then started talking about sexual preferences. He admitted to receiving all the pleasure but not wanting to give back any. I am glad I found out now, I could never be with a man like that. I did admit to hopping the fence when it came to sex a few times, but now I am at the point where I see myself with a man. In this day and age, it is hard to maintain a relationship, much less one with a woman. I was about to tell him about the first time I outed to my stepmother, when he interrupted with, “Did you and your stepmother ever have sex with each other?”
“Uhhhh, eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww. No. What kind of sick question is that?”
“Hey, don’t judge me about my sexual turn-ons.”
That’s where the conversation ended. We both fell asleep. When I woke up in the morning, I was still fully covered with my clothing still. He was fully naked. I went about my daily routine and when he was ready, I made sure he did not steal anything in the middle of the night. Then I let him out the door. That was the last of Nicholas.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

At Least The Meal Was Free - Paramus Guy

OK guys, I am pulling a few stories out of my livejournal to see if anyone likes them/hates them/ MEH! / bothers to read them.  This first story involved a BAAAAAD date with a guy from, well, Paramus.  This is an actual true story.  Yup, I get the winners.  I feel bad now about the part involving Hunts Point, but also feel as if he got uberdefensive over nothing.
I met him online through migente (www.migente.com, latino-american internet hangout) . I was initially attracted to the fact that he not only had a good job and car, he had diversified interests. In other words, he did not listen only to rap and Reggaeton, but also to rock music. He had even been to a concert at a venue close by (Starland Ballroom). So, we had set a date for Wednesday night.
On Tuesday, I was prompted to call him for directions to Paramus (we're talking the days before I had a GPS in the phone). Also, at the time, I did not know much about Paramus, being that I live an hour away. I had never been to the area before, and wanted to get a feel for what I was getting into that night. When I called him, I asked what I thought was a simple enough question. “What is Paramus like?” He responded by stating he didn’t know. “Oh,” I said. “I thought you lived there.”
“yes, I do.”
“Then what is Paramus like? Is it safe?”
“I dunno. Why are you asking me?
“I am trying to get a feel for the place. What is up there? Anything exciting.”
He said there was nothing exciting up there. I knew there was a mall near the vicinity, and I asked about it. He responded, “yeah, what about it?”
Trying to make the conversation go somewhere, I asked him how it was compared to Hunts Point in the Bronx. He had mentioned he grew up there. He immediately was incensed. “So, what you tryin to say? That I grew up in a poorer neighborhood than you? That I grew up differently?” I was not trying to say anything. I was just trying to ask a simple question.
(looking back on this now, I can see where the wording of the question was bad.  I was not trying to assert "white privelidge" into the question, but I did want to know, before the days of knowing about citydata.com, if I could park my car there safely.)
“Ok, so can we at least agree that Hunt’s Point in the Bronx is bad?” He became even angrier. “It is not a bad area. Maybe YOU with your suburbanite family and your pretty houses are not used to the area, but it is not a bad area.” I was not about to defend my upbringing; it was not my fault that my parents wanted me to grow up in a neighborhood without guns firing off every 5 minutes.
“Is Hunts Point anything like Paramus? Can I park my car there and leave it?” “Yes, Paramus is safe, the part we are gonna be in. Does that make you happy?!?”
“Uhhh, yes I suppose.”
At this point I did not want to go on a date with this man. I can already write the story in my head: this man was a successful Latin man who had trouble letting go of his ghetto past. Been there, done that already this summer. Fine, we have little in common when it comes to our upbringing. Let’s focus on what we do have in common, what can bring us together. But, he did not want to hear it. Besides, I was quite broke.
So, after work that night, I was busy counting $$ and decided to call him to break off the date. Why waste my time? After greeting him politely, I made the comment that maybe we should not meet up the next night. “Why not?”
“Well, it is a long ride. I don’t really have the $$ for it right now.”
“I’ll pay your gas.” “Oh, you don’t have to do that, that’s very sweet. But also, tolls. Tolls are expensive.” He wasn’t fooled. “The most you will pay in tolls to get up here from your place is around $2. But, if it makes you feel better, I will pay the tolls.”
Dead silence. I did not know what to say. He was not making this easy to back out of this date. So, I reluctantly agreed to go up there. “I will be leaving my parent’s house around 9:30PM, is that OK? This means I should be there by 10:30PM.”
He agreed. Well, maybe I was wrong, I thought. Maybe I got the wrong impression of him. Maybe he had a wonderful evening planned and this is why he pressured me into still visiting him.
The next night, I left my parents house around 9:30PM. I arrived in Paramus around 10:30. The whole car ride there, I was on the phone with a man I was also interested in seeing. The conversation was a relief. At least I did not feel like it was me that complicated the conversation. When I arrived in Paramus, I met him at the Commerce Bank right off the Garden State Parkway. I followed him back to his apartment in New Rochelle. We drove by 2 fancy restaurants and a whole line of strip malls. Seeing this, was immediately put at eases; he lived in a nice town.
We parked my car in an elementary school parking lot. He wanted to go back to his place, and I insisted we go to the diner instead. Not that I was hungry, but he was not getting anything for free. So, we went to a local diner.
The conversation was equally as awkward. He told me that normally he does not eat this late. He had also mentioned that he recently lost 12 pounds and was going to the gym. He tries to look his best and he expects the same from his women. So, I said, “Is this a warning to me? Get my butt in shape?” He mentioned that he was not as bad as his uncle. Even if the girl is sweet, if she is a bit fat he will not be seen with her in public. I acknowledged that everyone has their own preferences, but at the same time, we are masters of our own fate. He better not complain that he can’t find a good woman if he is going to be so shallow.
So, on the subject of exercise, I had mentioned that I like to go visit various state parks on my time off. I like to walk around and exercise there, when I have time. He does not do that at all; he prefers playing different team sports on weekend. “So, you prefer to exercise socially rather than alone?” I asked. He rebutted, “I could do it either way. I have no preference.” “Oh,” I started, “you had just said you prefer spending your weekends in team sports.” “Yeah, so?” he responded. This went on for about 5 minutes until I completely changed the subject. In my mind, I knew it was hopeless. He was a stalwart; he HAD to be right. His mind frame was rigid. I could have had a better conversation with a Frenchman, considering I flunked French in college.
So, the waitress passes us by one last time. When she went to leave, he asked for the bill, in Spanish. I had let him know that it was very silly of him to assume right away she knew Spanish. Her accent sounded more middle European rather than latin. “Well, what do YOU think she is?” Well, I told him I did not know, that a good guess would be that since all the diners from North Jersey are Greek owned, maybe she was Greek. It turns out that we were both wrong, she was from Romania. When I pointed out we were both wrong, he was not a happy camper.
We went back to his place and watched a little television. From the looks of his apartment, he was either single, moving or just broke up with someone, since he was still very much packed. He made mention that he was going to relax, change into something a little bit more comfortable. He went to change in his bathroom, and I went into the bedroom. I noticed there was a bible sitting on his nightstand, open. I found it fascinating this man read the bible. When he came from the other room, I asked him about it. “No, I don’t read the bible. Why?”
“Well, you have the bible opened up on your night stand. You must have been reading it.”
“No, I wasn’t. WHY?? Does it MATTER?”
At this point I just wanted to go home. But he made it clear that he wanted to try for a little something. Meanwhile, the thought of this man trying to kiss me made me wretch with disgust. No, he did not want to kiss me, but rather, get to the good stuff right away. I politely declined. He got mad, and then rushed me out of his apartment.
When I got to my car, I was so upset I started to tear. I made it clear to him that I was upset about visiting him. I could not believe that I had wasted this much time and effort on a nimrod that could not keep a conversation flowing. Maybe he was better off with an argumentative type. It was at this point I demanded the gas $$.
“You mean to tell me you can’t afford the $5?
“No, I can’t and I should not have to. I visited you at your request, now please give me the gas $$.”
After much prodding and pestering, I got the gas $$. This was the first time I had ever asked a man for gas $$ for a date. But, if the date is that lousy, more than the meal better be for free. And besides, nothing could pay me back for my wasted time.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Dystopian Fiction

Been thinking about adding a fiction story surrounding this idea to my mini repertoire of stories.  But always, in the back of my mind, I kept saying to myself that I just didn't have the experience to know what it felt like to be a character in such an cataclysmic event.  There are many thoughts, feelings, sensations, that go through an individual character's mind when going through such an event.  And to describe one person's thought's, let alone a whole stories worth of characters, along with the sights, sounds, smells and touch of the tragedy seems like such a daunting task.  But I am definitely up for the challenge at this point.

I remind myself that Carl Sagan was never in "Space".  JRR Tolkien was never ACTUALLY in Midedle-Earth, and CS Lewis was never in Narnia.  These are all pretent places that only felt real when one read the stories.  Those stories, brilliantly written, allowed the person to be swallowed up in another world, another story that felt so real that sometimes, it was jarring to come back to the so-called real world.  This is the kind of story, I want to write.

Also, sadly enough, I CAN pull from my real world experience.  While I am not going to pretend that the world ended when Sandy hit NJ, the storm was, in itself, a powerful catastrophic event for towns right on the water.  I wrote all about it during the days after the storm since, with no electric or access to internet, I had nothing else to do but read and write.  And to feel so disconnected from the world was truly a scary place.  Listening to a min-radio at night, surrounded by candles and my cat, being forced to listen to 101.5 as the main radio station for news on the storm (most other stations were badly affected) in NJ..Also seeing what happened to Union Beach and Seabright after the storms (yes, I was in both places right after the storms) was also jarring.  I could use those experiences to write about what could happen after a major storm.  Like, as bad as Sandy was, I imagined a storm with the combined rain effect of Irene and the storm surge and winds of Sandy.  Not only would NJ end up a big water park like it did after Irene (not nearly as catastrophic since, most places that got flooded were the places that are used to being flooded) but the destruction would be far geater with the winds AND rain.  The lack of heavy rain in Sandy is what saved the inland from some devasation.

Hell, really I could turn it into a love story (as I always do, tho I am trying to avoid it).  But I guess there has to be some powerful relationship in the story, even if a platonic or family relationship.  There were a lot of people that lost loved ones during the storm.  There were also couples that grew far stronger during the storm, as they realized that the real world trappings of day to day life were just bullshit.

********************************Story Time***********************************

As soon as I said that, as soon as I mentioned about the couples getting stronger from the storm...I had an image floating around my head.  Real world family.  She takes care of the township's animal shelter and he is a police officer.  I'll call them Jack and Diane, for now.  Diane had a busy day, cleaning up the shelter after a flood (good thing all of the floors are stainless steel, except for the offices).  Her stepdaughter, Hanna, was helping her out by feeding the animals and mopping out the backroom where the food supplies were.  Suddenly, one of Jack's buddies, Ethan, stops in to check on Diane.  He notices that Hanna is mopping up the backroom and jokingly says, "Hey, we got child labor laws you are ignoring." And Diane, who is covered in dirt, water and every animal fluid alive, has a much needed laugh.  She'd offer a hug to Ethan but she reeked of animal sweat.
Hanna pipes up with, "It's ok, I like helping out the animals."  Hanna is such a good kid, and while the relationship with Diane can be strained at times, her and Diane have bonded over their intense connection to helping animals.
"That's impressive.  All Katie can talk about is how she is missing her favorite TV shows."  Katie is one of Hanna's good friends.  They normally hang out after school but since the storm hit on Thursday, they have only spent one day together since both Katie's and Hanna's families are busy volunteering with the post storm efforts.  In addition, the neighborhood is riddled with downed power lines, concrete and nailed in pieces of wood.  This isn't the environment you allow your kids to play in.  Especially at night, the town looms in darkess, like a post apocalyptic war scene, with no electricity for miles.  This separation from Katie has caused a boatload of anxiety with Hanna, as she seems to be depressed since the storm hit.
Of course, when Hanna heard "TV,", she immediately started lamenting about how she missed watching all of her Saturday night shows.  It was Diane's job to rein Hanna in at this point, stating, "C'mon now Hanna, the tv will always be there.  What's important is that we have each other."
"But I don't have Katie," Hanna said while fighting back tears.  Hanna is at an age where being without her friends is like being denied air to breathe, and Diane understood this.  But there seemed to be nothing she could do.  Hanna went back to mopping and Ethan followed Diane back into the main office area.  He looked back at Hanna and said quietly, "You know, Margery is bringing Katie to her grandparent's house inland.  They have electric and heat, and (looking at Hanna) most importantly, tv.  It wouldn't be an issue to take Hanna too."    
Diane thought for a minute.  While she normally doesn't agree to things concerning Hanna without her husband's consent, she knew that Hanna LOVED Katie's grandparents, and they were a safe, warm home up in the countryside away from this craziness.  Also, Hanna and Jack had increasingly been fighting due to Hanna's restlessness and inability to understand the sheer permanence of the storm's effects.  Staying at the grandparent's home would provide a much needed respite for everyone in the house.
So, Diane agreed.  She then told Hanna of the plan, and advised her that they were going home and packing her an "away bag" for a few days.  At first, Hanna was confused; "sleepovers" were not allowed on "school nights" and while normally this is the case, there would be no "school" of any kind until the electricity was turned back on.

A few hours later, Jack returned from his 16 hour shift as a police officer.  Diane could tell that these long days were wearing on him, and she was careful to tread lightly around him.  But there was only so much treading one can do in the household.
Jack started in with, "Where's Hanna?"  Diane stated, "She went with Katie to Ethan's parents."  Jack simply nodded and went upstairs to change.  Diane followed him and asked him about his day.  "Fine" is all she got out of him.  "Just fine, Jack?" asked Diane."Really?  You don't look fine.  Want to talk about it?"

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, ALRIGHT??!! I've had a VERY STRESSFUL DAY!!!" and slammed the door.  Diane fought back tears, grabbed a lit candle and went to make dinner.  Thank goodness for little miracles like gas stoves and ovens.  Diane went to use the last of the meats since, they can only keep so long with ice, and made a beef stew.  While she was cutting carrots for the stew, Jack came down with a very hardended look on his face.  Diane couldn't look at him for the moment; she was still upset for being yelled at over asking such an innocuous question.
"I'm so sorry, Diane.  I don't mean to be so upset with you.  I....know you had a bad day too."  Diane, still busy cutting vegetables, was hardly unmoved by Jack's weak attempt at emoting.
Jack then went into the doorway and started to fall down.  This normally stoic man was pushed to his limits and needed a release.  As soon as Diane heard him fall to his knees, she ran over there to catch him.  Jack just started to bawl into Diane's arms.  This strong man, also covered in sweat, mud and dirt, was also having a hard time adjusting to "the new normal" - looters trying to rob houses in the area affected by Sandy; people left without homes, cars, even clothing; the inefficiently of government in getting the necessary supplies to people.  Diane sat there, holding this powerful man who was reduced to tears from the stress of his job.
 And she looked up at her husband and said, "In spite of it all, somehow this all feels normal."

This is all I have for now.  I do want to work on the story later.  Or, maybe incorporate it into a larger story.  But, these are the moments I cherise.  The kind where I am sitting, thinking about something, and a story comes flowing out of me like a river.